Back (in limbo)

After a long hiatus, I'm back. Just about a month ago we moved to Missouri and are trying to adjust to new scenery and pace of life. It still seems somewhat surreal. From the moment we made the decision for P. to accept a residency position in Missouri to the time of move was probably only a couple months, and I guess that wasn't enough time to process fully what was happening.

So, we're here and attempting to adapt. Ultimately the decision to come here was probably a good one, as the residency position seems to be a good one, and it's great being closer to family. Being here, however, makes decision making about future jobs and/or grad school a more agonizing process. Earlier today I was reflecting on how straight-forward in conviction (though obviously fraught with suffering) was Paul's missionary commitment. I wish I had his sense of certaintly and conviction. In Philippians the apostle writes of his "partnership in the gospel" with the recipients of his letter, and remains certain that their prayers will result in his deliverance, meaning most of all that "Christ is glorified" in his body.

Reading of Paul, I'm forced to question whether my life goals are forged of personal ambition and aim at invididual glory. Should I be pursuing something that is more transparently service to the gospel? And where do personal gifting and (God-given?) interests fit into the vocation equation? These are questions with which I'm wrestling. I don't expect to have the answers anytime soon. Although I must have some answer soon . . .